October 14, 2008

Today, I thought a lot as usual. Does "happy ever after" even exist? Is happy ending even too good to be real? Kinda lame huh? I won't disagree. Lame as it seems, I've actually got myself caught thinking bout it for half a day. I took a trip through my memories while I was working just now, recalling ideas that I've thought of throughout the past 18 months, it's just nourishing. It all began with an over-aspired plan of bringing her over to Australia for a winter. The little plan then began its very first step when I found myself a part-time job. She loves everything fairy-tale-like, snow flakes, stars etc. Yes I've brought her to see stars but never as mesmerizing as what I've seen here. I wished to make that a reality for her. I've never once taken her to snow, I wished to make her first touch of snow happen here. I've never went to the beach with her. I wished to feed her eyes with the greatest coastal line on the planet with me by her side. I've never showed her that we could live together happier than ever and I wished to show her right here in a world with just two of us. Thinking up to this point, I smiled deep inside my heart. The next moment, a heart-twisting sourness swallowed me when I came all the way back to reality. Everything might just vanish without a trace. Everything I've planned, everything I've wished, everything I've done, everything....Well maybe that's too early to be said. I don't have much pleasure being negative here but it's always better to plan for the worst and hope for the best. After all I've never told her bout all those before, it isn't too surprising that she did not realize.

I missed her heaps today. Been 3 days since we last spoken. Hmm..how is she doing? Should be more than just fine. Now that I've loosen the tension, is she really feeling better? Does she felt much happier? Did she miss me even a tiny bit? Lotsa question to ask..but I'll just assume that she's positive. I'll continue this way, hoping that she's appreciating what I'm doing here and why I'm doing it. Tomorrow will be a better day for me? Let's hope so...